'In Life and In Death We Belong To God' A witness to life highlighted as to what the faithful can offer the terminally ill By Cheryl Phibbs The Layman Online Friday, March 16, 2007 DURHAM, N.C. – Death, rarely invited into our lives, is a unique experience we can only see through others, a speaker told more than 250 church members, pastors and health-care professionals for a "first of its kind conference" March 12-14 at Duke University. Those who live with terminal illness and death may feel disconnected and isolated. This alienation from the body that has failed them and a community that feels inadequate to handle their needs opens many doors for ministry, Betsy Eder told the conference. Held in partnership with the Presbyterian Church and the Duke University Institute on Care at the End of Life, "In Life and In Death We Belong To God: The Congregational Continuum of Care in the Presbyterian Church" explored the theological, medical and practical dimensions of end-of-life care and how to put that knowledge into practice. Eder, a divinity student and hemology/oncology patient at Duke University, said that, as a crisis of identity occurs, many medical patients who need "community" with others are put into a care facility "When you are ill, the world sees you as different, so a patient becomes sensitive to how they are perceived," she said. "Some pity us, others try to have us deny our impending death, family members may only speak of recovery because they feel acknowledgement of death is a defeat of our faith in God to heal us." She said patients need a place to share their feelings and be affirmed. "Faith is not a permanent smile," she said. "Wearing a false smile takes energy away from the patient. They need someone to say, 'We accept your fear. We see your pain.'" Eder, who has lived for years with an untreatable illness, suggested several gifts the Christian community could offer the terminally ill. "The dying need someone to hear their stories," she said. "They need a space to voice their pain and their isolation while they are on the road to death. They need someone to remind them of who they are." According to Eder, it is important for the Christian community to practice this hospitality with the dying, whether they are explaining their feelings or pain and affirm who they are, even in death. "Remind them their body might be failing you, but God isn't," she said. It is important to allow the dying to talk through where they are. Eder says this "allows us to be a witness to their life, including the pain and suffering. It becomes a sacred time of support and compassion." In order to ease the isolation of the world, another suggestion Eder offered is that we bring the dying together with us in worship. "Worship offers order and helps the dying prioritize their thoughts," she said. "It re-establishes their relationship to God." The Christian caregiver, she said, should find comfort in knowing that "God is there before we arrive. It's not about me." Eder reminded the participants that there is no denial of death as a Christian society. "We know the whole story and we are privileged that God unites us in brokenness," she said. Cheryl Phibbs is a freelance writer living in Winston-Salem, N.C.

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