'In Life and In Death We Belong To God' Speaker offers practical wisdom to make aging a calling, rather than a fate By Cheryl Phibbs The Layman Online Thursday, March 15, 2007 DURHAM, N.C – "How one dies makes a difference, not because it will eliminate death, but because it will overwhelm and empower it," said William F. May, Ph.D., a senior fellow at the Institute for Practical Ethics and Public Life at the University of Virginia. May addressed more than 250 church members, pastors and health-care professionals for a "first of its kind conference" March 12-14 in Durham. Held in partnership with the Presbyterian Church and the Duke University Institute on Care at the End of Life, "In Life and In Death We Belong To God: The Congregational Continuum of Care in the Presbyterian Church" explored the theological, medical and practical dimensions of end-of-life care and how to put that knowledge into practice. According to May, the first plenary speaker for the event, when we approach death as an act of fate if feels as if we are shrinking and spend our time "defending the walls of a city with our power cut off." For the elderly and impaired, the world shrinks to a bedroom, hospital room or care facility. They are put into the hands of caregivers, which removes them from the social scene, by a society that struggles with how to treat the elderly and impaired. As Christians, we need to remember that God has joined us in death. "In death, God went where no one else can go," May said. He commented that Christ as our suffering servant makes non-dying an essential story to share with our communities. "Death becomes real through Christ. It is not the ultimate end. It is not capable of separating you from life." "When you open yourself to an eternal future, the future shifts from a destiny, to a calling," he said. "It's comforting to know that God doesn't retire when we retire. Challenges will appear when we age and mature. As these occur, Christian virtues should develop and appear to contribute to the community." May addressed these virtues as practical wisdom and assets from which to draw upon and use as a ministry when age encroaches into our lives. Courage ranked first on May's list for the call to age well. "We usually associate courage with feisty combativeness, but we need courage to face the battles of our soul like negatism, melancholy and woe," he said. It takes courage to endure these characteristics as they move in on us. May described courage as the call for movement rather than passivism. "When the courage of perseverance shows through, we witness God's grace," he said. May added humility as a virtue that should display itself more as we age, noting that many who have been givers all of their lives are now called to be receivers and this shift brings discomfort. "Humility and humor can conquer areas that assault our dignity and be used as a witness to those around us," he said. Patience is the virtue to apply when old age and infirmities evoke bitterness and anger. "Age brings the bustle of mid-life to a halt," he said. "Patience requires purposeful waiting and taking control of one's spirit." It is an active word that can take a great deal of work, May said. The fourth area of practical wisdom to aging well is charity. Charity and simplicity are gifts that should mark the elderly. By the time we age, he said, "We have learned how to live by simple truths and simple gifts in an unencumbered way." May added that living with open hands is a sign that we're ready to let go and trust ourselves to eternity. Our salvation is not a possession, but a hope to share. It is the ultimate triumph of grace." May most recently directed the Maguire Center for Ethics and Public Responsibility at Southern Methodist University in Dallas and, in 1966, founded the religious studies program at Indiana University, where he was chair of the department for 10 years. He has taught at Smith College in Northampton, Mass., Indiana University in Bloomington, and held a chair at the Kennedy Institute of Ethics at Georgetown University. May has been a visiting professor at Yale University, served on the Clinton Task Force on Health Care Reform, and on President Bush's Council on Bioethics. His books, among others, include Beleaguered Rulers: The Public Obligation of the Professional and The Physician's Covenant:Images of the Healer in Medical Ethics. Cheryl Phibbs is a freelance writer living in Winston-Salem, N.C.

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