'In Life and In Death We Belong To God' Sudden death called the ministry of presence By Cheryl Phibbs The Layman Online Friday, March 16, 2007 DURHAM, N.C. – The military doesn't have the option like many of us have to deal with death in an organized way, but congregations can learn much about caring for the survivors of sudden death through the military example. Col. Edward T. Brogan, retired military chaplain and director of The Presbyterian Council for Chaplains and Military Personnel, says the theme of military chaplaincy – "Minister to the living, comfort the wounded, honor the dead" - can be implemented in our own congregations. "The military is big on ceremony," he said. There is ceremony every step of the way when a soldier dies because we've learned that ceremony offers healing." Brogan met recently with more than 250 church members, pastors and health-care professionals for a "first of its kind conference" March 12-14 in Durham. Held in partnership with the Presbyterian Church and the Duke University Institute on Care at the End of Life, "In Life and In Death We Belong To God: The Congregational Continuum of Care in the Presbyterian Church" explored the theological, medical and practical dimensions of end-of-life care and how to put that knowledge into practice. "As we minister to the broken or dying," he said, "the tendency is to create distance for personal mental health." Brogan suggested that this philosophy can be overcome when we eliminate a "Savior mentality" and recognize dying as a process of life. Then, he said, "ministry becomes much easier." "Death does offend us, and many times, especially in the military, it seems out of time," Brogan said. To prepare for this, he said, "the military is unique because it puts a lot of energy into death." Brogan said that, because of this, a stronger community is created through this shared pain and suffering. Like the military chaplain, he said an individual can diffuse pain and bring the hope of faith to the broken or dying and unburden them in the suffering experience. Brogan calls this the "ministry of presence." By walking alongside the suffering and being there when life hurts, he said we can bring disaster and grace together. "It is important that we name grief and talk about it," he said. Just as military troops are debriefed before they re-enter society, Brogan said partnership in pain is critical for individual discipleship. "As we minister in Iraq, even our Muslim brothers welcome our prayer and the opportunity to engage God and invite wholeness to a situation," he said. "Prayer is always a welcome ministry." Sudden death in particular offers a numbness that is hard to come to terms with, he said. "Honor given in any way can help the suffering of betrayal and attack." According to Brogan, just acknowledging that the hardship exists is key in ministering to the victims of sudden death, or in any pain and suffering situation. "Of course," he said, "there is mentoring, helping with chores or child care, including them in events, offering continued prayer." Brogan stressed that we were all vulnerable to death and our congregations should be a safe community to unburden and share the grief of death and suffering, a place where the survivor will not be rejected by society at large. Survivor guilt is another issue that sudden-death grievers suffer from, he said. "Memories don't depart willingly; the survivors may be hard on themselves and feel ashamed for enjoying a moment, or continuing in a vital meaningful life." Brogan said the bottom line is just sharing love. "That's all any of us want any way," he said. Cheryl Phibbs is a freelance writer living in Winston-Salem, N.C.

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